This year's birthday is my first birthday with two beautiful baby boys. It is truly my life's greatest blessing to be the mother to these precious young people. Motherhood has surpassed every expectation and has done more to shape the person I am--and want to be--than anything else I've experienced. I never knew how strong I was until I became a mom. I didn't know what it would take--mentally, physically, emotionally--for me to dedicate my life to these boys. It's a lot. I have physical scars from each of their births and lasting aches from those days. Now I can appreciate how much more beautiful my body is, C-section scar and bigger hips and won't-ever-be-flat-again stomach and all. I cry and worry ALL the time. Sometimes I have worried that I'm not strong enough to do it all, but I continue to prove myself wrong. Not only do I muster the strength to fulfill the duties of motherhood; I find joy in doing so. I laugh every day and cannot believe I helped to create these little boys.
32 brings about a more complete sense of self. This was the year I found a job I genuinely love, and I feel proud of myself for making it through those tough months of leaving my baby to go back to work. I honestly did not think I would be strong enough to do it. There have been more tough days than easy days (have any days been easy?). Pumping at work, missing my kids so much I could--and did--cry, missing a few bedtimes, worrying that I was losing precious time with them that I wouldn't ever get back...I still get a knot in my stomach thinking about all those things, but I can still ache while feeling proud for surviving the first few months of it. Being a working mother has made me stronger still.
This could have been a really tough year for our marriage. Terry and I found ourselves pulled in countless directions, sometimes barely crossing paths. We have found a schedule that--while great for keeping our kids' time in daycare minimal--means we each have to make sacrifices (Terry has to be up at 5:30 to squeeze in 9 hours of work before 3:30; I am on my own in the mornings to get two kids and myself ready and out the door). We rarely sit down before 9 pm at night, and by then we're exhausted. But we are in this together, and we're on the same team. This year was tough, but the time we share together and as a family makes the sacrifices worth it. I've said it before, but I cannot imagine a better partner for this crazy life.
This year, I got to celebrate my brother and sister-in-law's joy as they welcomed their perfect babies, my niece and nephew. I am so excited that my boys have cousins and that this growing extended family will be filled with even more love and joy.
I could go on and on. I am, as ever, thankful to my parents for all they continue to do for me and my family (especially their grandchildren), and for the childhood with which they blessed me so that I have a high standard set for my kids! I'm not in the best shape of my life, but there's time for that later. I am grateful every day for my health and the health of those I love so much. This year I made new friendships, learned more about myself and the world around me, and set new goals. 31 was a great year. It made me excited for the rest of my thirties and what "middle life" has to offer, not to mention the rest of my years.
So far, life has only continued to be more fulfilling and joyful each year. I am 32, and I am so, so happy.
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